Yes I am one of Pavlov’s Dogs, my stimulus, the DING from my messenger app. My pulse starts to race, my skin starts to flush, I’m confident my eyes dilate basically, it turns me on. Why, it’s how “C” and I communicate, for the longest time after leaving my husband I lived for that DING. Other than my son that DING was my reason for waking up every day, my best friend and lifeline was on the other end.
Fast forward 6 months, I’ve been trying for about 5 weeks to maintain no contact with “C”, trying being the operative word here. I make it about 12 days then I give in, the reasons don’t seem to matter. I make an excuse, he messages me, he likes or makes a comment on a photo I posted on Facebook or for no reason at all. I can ignore all of them to a point then I pick up my phone and send a message. Then I wait, I think he’s doing the same thing, avoiding me. Good he should, I’m more messed up than he is and we are not meant to be, as much as I have always wanted us, it is time to let it go. I’m working on it, give me time please.
Today my phone was going off like crazy, every time the same response but I tried desperately not to dive for it. It was never him, good, that’s good.
Then tonight as I was working on my tablet “DING” his picture pops up, the first few words “Hi Sweetie sorr….”
That’s all I saw, I swiped the chat head down to clear it off the screen, grabbed my phone to do the same, quick clear the notification bar, now I just have to wait for the email, there it is, delete. Phew made it, for now, it’s been 11 days. I looked at the clock 3 hour time difference it was close to 1:00 am when he sent it, good call he knew if I did read it I wouldn’t risk waking him or keeping him up with a response, or is that just me hoping he is thinking about me that much, BINGO!
I really want to know what that message says.